I Dream of Drinking

Yep, it’s true. With more than 450 days dry, it happens.

Does it mean, I feel conflicted about alcohol? I didn’t wake up tempted, so I guess not.

During the first dream, I felt the warming euphoria of the alcohol, in my dream. The spreading warmth and relaxing feeling was very reminiscent of the first good long pull of a tall strong one. Continue reading “I Dream of Drinking”

Day 365 Flew By and ….

July 6th 2017 was the 365th day of not having a single drink of anything with alcohol in it.

As I sat back and looked at how different things have been in the past year, I’m very thankful for quitting.

Things I’ve been accomplishing:

  • I’ve been running an organized 5k a month for the past six months with a goal of 12 continuous months.
  • As a result I’m definitely in better shape.
  • I blog more often than before.
  • I go fishing a lot more. At least a couple times a month.
  • I’m better able to cope and let go of the pressures of life.
  • I’ve lost some weight. Right around 20 pounds from my worst a year ago.
  • My gut health is much better, where I measured gut problems on a weekly basis and now it’s been twice (due to my own self abuse) in the past year.
  • I’ve had no sinus infections since I quit and only one possible cold that I shook off quickly. Previous years I suffered almost like clock work every two months as average.
  • I read more often. Magazines, books on fiction or non-fiction. I realized that I wasn’t reading anything of substance.
  • I’ve begun a routine of becoming much more organized.
  • I listen to pod casts and audio books actually remembering the gist of them, rather than through the muddle of blurry memory.
  • I listen to audio books, both fiction and non fiction. Not only to be entertained, but to learn and retain something.
  • I call family more often. I believe that I’m more regular in trying to be in touch at least once a week.
  • I now participate in a local civic philanthropic organization and expect to continue.
  • I’m much more mindful of where my head is and what I find fulfilling. I’m much more able to appreciate where I am and devote the small continuous efforts to stay more centered for myself and others.

Continue reading “Day 365 Flew By and ….”

Why I run

I have so many reasons why I run or jog. In middle school I liked track and field at school, but it wasn’t an organized sport. So I tried football for a couple years, finishing that up my freshman year of high school. This was the mid-1970’s and whenever we were running laps for conditioning or punishment, although some guys hated it, I enjoyed it.

I became enthralled with the 1976 summer Olympics and went for the Cross Country team. Continue reading “Why I run”

“Embrace the suck”

It’s one of those phrases I picked up in the military. It’s simple enough, but behind it is a lot of meaning.

For many, it’s simply another sarcastic piece of acidic humor with similar roots to ‘suck it up buttercup’.

However, it’s core principle is much deeper. Basically, don’t fight the stuff you can’t control. Better to embrace it, deal with it as it is and move on. Continue reading ““Embrace the suck””

Limitations ..

Nothing sums up the gist of this post better than this old classic Clint Eastwood scene.

 

What do I mean by that? You have to be self aware and honest enough with the person in the mirror to see what’s going on, what’s good and right for you, and then live within those limitations.

Take the time to self examine, identify your weaknesses and your strengths and decide the best way to cope with them.

As I’ve gone through my journey, I’ve literally done that. I’ve stared at my self in the harsh bright white light, staring at my own face, noticing the imperfections and blemishes, attempting to look into my own eyes in search of the soul within. Trying to see inside myself.

I’ve done it in regards to many things. Whether it’s drinking related, hard decisions I’ve had to make, facing my own mortality as friends, coworkers and acquaintances have died, attempting to simplify things so I don’t get overwhelmed with the complexities of life. I’ve done it with many things.

One of the greatest benefits of this exercise, is that eventually, you should begin to see the truths of who you are and what’s important.

When it comes to some issues, I’m truly lazy and don’t want to face a lot of hard work. With other issues, they truly matter to me and I may go overboard with my efforts. I faced the reality that I am inconsistent with my interests and how I spend my time. I’ve also faced the harsh truth that I have limitations.

I can’t drink as I used to and ever hope to be as healthy as I believe I want to be. I can’t drink as I used to and still avoid the traps I’ve seen others fall into, destroying their health physically and mentally. I can’t drink as I used to and believe that I’ll be around to get to know my grandchildren. I can’t put myself in trigger situations with drinking without first becoming personally resolved and strong enough to say “no” with honesty, conviction, and without decrying those around me. I don’t want to allow myself that one drink, because I know my drinking brain believes if one drink is good, a dozen are better. And if a dozen are better today, a dozen tomorrow would be just as good and the backward slide begins to erode all the progress I’ve made.

So those are some of my limitations. Have you found yours? Like Dirty Harry says, “Man’s got to know his limitations”.

 

 

Grateful and still learning

Day 264 since my last drink.

Reading back over my journal and these posts, one of the tipping points for going sober was realizing how seriously I was messing with my health. I went in for a new patient visit just two days ago and my blood pressure was 110 over 76. When I was drinking my BP was significantly higher, frequently 145 over 90. Those numbers really put it in perspective and more. Continue reading “Grateful and still learning”