To hear the whisper of angels wings ….

This was a phrase I heard while in the military.File:Peter Paul Rubens - Music Making Angels - WGA20442.jpg

The context was that when you near death’s door you may hear the whisper of angels wings.

It’s a sensation of realizing how close to death you were. And how thankful you are that it was a close call rather than a foregone conclusion.

I can say I relate to moments when I might have been close to deaths door. There aren’t many of those moments.

The most poignant time resonated I felt this way, after drinking for years at an ever increasing rate, I realized that I was slowly killing myself. That was a Bingo. At that realization, that point of clarity of how definitively I was hurting, punishing and committing unintended suicide, I forced myself to cut back and eventually quit altogether.

Day 561 sober, feeling pretty dang good and still here.

 

I Can Run Again And Thank Sobriety

I’ve been a runner since the early seventies. I joined Cross Country duand loved it. Being able to jog the trails in the cool early morning hours was a freeing experience even when I was competing with others. Continue reading “I Can Run Again And Thank Sobriety”

I Dream of Drinking

Yep, it’s true. With more than 450 days dry, it happens.

Does it mean, I feel conflicted about alcohol? I didn’t wake up tempted, so I guess not.

During the first dream, I felt the warming euphoria of the alcohol, in my dream. The spreading warmth and relaxing feeling was very reminiscent of the first good long pull of a tall strong one. Continue reading “I Dream of Drinking”

Bad Feelings

I’ve been dry since July 5th of 2016 and today is December 11th of 2016. That’s 158 days with no alcohol as of this writing.

During the time I was drinking, it’s clear to me now I had a lot more going on. Although I was fully functioning with my habitual drinking, I had a lot of triggers to drink. Celebrating, sadness, and just the day of the week. Some triggers were much more subtle that I wasn’t aware.

Continue reading “Bad Feelings”

Alcohol – In the beginning

I grew up in the shadow of a family that drank. Some died as alcoholics. Some debilitated from the long term effects of alcohol.

My own relationship with alcohol? I was first introduced to alcohol when I was eight or nine. My dad would be sitting on the throne of his recliner and, like any child that looks up to their dad as larger than life, I asked for a sip of his beer. Continue reading “Alcohol – In the beginning”